you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
