Define "chronic" masturbator.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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