The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the gays at disneyland are vicious
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
