dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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