i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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