i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
