I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
that's an acceptable place to lick
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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