he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
