just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
