My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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