i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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