I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
