he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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