I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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