How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
