where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
