i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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