i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
