I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
