Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
