I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
