hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
