I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
