Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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