Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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