You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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