**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
