Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
