If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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