He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My ass is underappreciated
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
