my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
