I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
