if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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