Since when is my name a synonym for head?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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