Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
40s are totally the cure
Randomize
