how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
