Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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