can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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