I wish I could teleport
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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