He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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