youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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