how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
