we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
