toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
