Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
