Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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