It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
