afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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