wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am mentally ready for anal.
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