So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
