wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
